Talk About It Tuesday - Breaking the Cycle: Understanding Codependency Through a Mental Health Lens - July 1, 2025

Codependency is a term that often gets tossed around in conversations about relationships, but many people don’t fully understand what it means—or how deeply it can impact mental health. More than simply caring too much or being overly generous, codependency is a pattern of behavior rooted in emotional neglect, boundary issues, and often, unresolved trauma. Through a mental health lens, it becomes clear that codependency is not just about relationships with others—it’s also about a fractured relationship with oneself.

At its core, codependency is an emotional and behavioral condition that makes it difficult for individuals to maintain healthy, balanced relationships. People with codependent traits often place the needs of others above their own to the point of self-neglect. Their sense of identity and self-worth becomes tied to their ability to care for, rescue, or “fix” the people around them. While this can look like kindness or devotion on the surface, underneath it often lies fear—fear of abandonment, rejection, or not being good enough unless they are needed.

Many mental health professionals trace the roots of codependency back to childhood, particularly in homes where there was addiction, abuse, neglect, or inconsistent emotional support. In such environments, children may learn early on that their feelings are less important than the feelings of the adults around them. They might adopt the role of the caregiver, the peacekeeper, or the invisible child as a way to survive emotionally. Over time, these roles become ingrained, evolving into the adult behaviors we now recognize as codependent: chronic people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, emotional suppression, and a deep-seated need for external validation.

From a clinical standpoint, codependency is not currently listed as a formal mental health diagnosis in the DSM-5, but that does not make it any less real. Many individuals who struggle with codependency also experience co-occurring conditions such as anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or low self-esteem. These symptoms are not coincidental—they are often the result of years spent suppressing one’s own needs and feelings in service of someone else’s. The emotional labor of constantly managing others’ emotions, solving their problems, or anticipating their reactions can lead to burnout, resentment, and a loss of self-identity.

One of the most damaging aspects of codependency is its ability to mask itself as love. A codependent person may believe that they are simply being supportive, selfless, or loyal. However, true love involves mutual respect, healthy boundaries, and emotional autonomy. Codependency, in contrast, often involves control disguised as care. The codependent person may feel responsible for someone else’s happiness, and when that person struggles or fails, the codependent individual feels it as a personal failure. This creates a cycle in which both people in the relationship become emotionally enmeshed, unable to distinguish where one person ends and the other begins.

The good news is that codependency is not a permanent condition. With awareness, education, and support, individuals can unlearn these deeply embedded patterns and begin to form healthier relationships—with themselves and with others. The first step in this process is recognizing the problem. Many people with codependent traits do not realize that their behaviors are maladaptive because they’ve been praised for being loyal, helpful, or selfless. It’s important to begin questioning whether these qualities are coming from a place of genuine care—or from fear, guilt, or a need for approval.

Therapy can be an invaluable resource for individuals working to heal from codependency. A therapist can help uncover the root causes of these behaviors, which often trace back to early attachment wounds or traumatic experiences. Through modalities like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), internal family systems (IFS), or trauma-informed therapy, clients can begin to challenge the beliefs that keep them trapped in codependent cycles—beliefs such as “I’m only worthy if I’m needed” or “It’s my job to keep everyone else happy.” Therapy also provides a space to practice setting boundaries, asserting needs, and developing a stronger sense of self.

In addition to therapy, mindfulness and self-reflection are powerful tools in the recovery process. Practices such as journaling, meditation, or somatic awareness can help individuals tune into their own needs and emotions, many of which have been ignored or minimized for years. Self-care—real self-care, not just bubble baths and spa days—means learning to prioritize your own mental, emotional, and physical health without guilt. This might involve saying no to a friend, taking time alone, or making decisions that prioritize your well-being even when others may not approve.

Reclaiming one’s identity is central to healing from codependency. Many people don’t realize how much of their self-image has been built around roles like “helper,” “fixer,” or “caretaker.” When these roles are no longer needed—or when a person decides to step away from them—they may experience a crisis of identity. Who am I if I’m not taking care of everyone else? The answer to this question doesn’t come quickly, but over time, individuals begin to rediscover their interests, passions, values, and desires. They learn that they are worthy of love and belonging simply because they exist—not because of what they do for others.

It’s also important to acknowledge the societal and cultural forces that reinforce codependent behavior. In many families and communities, especially those shaped by traditional gender roles or religious expectations, self-sacrifice is glorified. People—particularly women—are taught that being good means being accommodating, agreeable, and available to others at all times. These messages can make it incredibly difficult to step into a more empowered, self-directed way of living. But breaking the cycle doesn’t mean abandoning love or compassion—it means redefining them in a way that includes yourself.

In the end, healing from codependency is not about swinging to the opposite extreme of radical independence or isolation. Rather, it’s about learning interdependence: the ability to connect deeply with others while maintaining a strong, rooted sense of self. Healthy relationships are not built on sacrifice or control—they are built on mutual respect, clear communication, and the freedom to be fully human, flaws and all.

Codependency may begin in pain, but it doesn’t have to end there. By facing the wounds that created these patterns and making the courageous decision to choose yourself, healing becomes possible. And in that healing, there is the potential not only for healthier relationships—but for a more authentic, fulfilling life.

—Dr. Michael Ritchey is a Doctor of Social Work and Licensed Clinical Social Worker specializing in trauma, veteran mental health, and reintegration support. Follow @DrMichaelRitchey for more content on mental health, healing, and justice.